No, Seriously, School IS Cool

Dear Mongoose,
I read you have kids and assume they are not in school.  How do you feel they are doing and do you think they will ever recover?
 
Dear Me, 
If I were a lawyer I would object because you just asked a “leading question”.  I’m not a lawyer though and after reading your question my guess is you and I both feel the same way about virtual learning therefore I will not object. 
 
***WARNING***THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS OPINION AND IS NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED***
 
Picture this, a large private meeting room with a conference table stretched out in the middle.  On one side of the table  is a man in a suit with a crooked smile and 90s frat-boy hair, looking like he just spent the last of his daddy’s money on a new convertible Mazda Miata and can’t wait to tell you about his new business venture that is not a pyramid scheme but is actually multi-level marketing and the product will make you feel 10 years younger for just $19.95/month.  Now, on the other side are about 42,000, mostly women with pitchforks and signs that say, “Matt Bevin Stinks”, “Where’s MY Pension?” and similar messages. 
 
Preppy boy and his sidekick, speak to the picketers in English and sign language, “Have I got a deal for you, imagine instead of going to a germ infested school 5 days a week and answering a million questions from snot nose kids, how bout sending them a few videos or links, let them email you the questions and cut out all the silly discussions?  On top of that, I’ll keep paying you and show those pesky parents how hard your job really is because they’ll be teaching their own kids now!”  “After all, we’re all in this together, say it with me!”  All preppy boy needed was a bout 42,000 votes and he’d waive the $19.95/month. 
 
The picketers loved this plan, they even convinced their friends and families to vote too, the rest is history except for who was missing from the board room.  Outside the room were kids of all ages, all colors, all economic backgrounds banging on the door.  Begging to be taught.  Some don’t have internet, some don’t have anyone to watch them while their parents are at work, some, who only used to get beat by daddy after he got home from work now get beat all day, every day because they’re stuck home with daddy --all day.  A few of the kids had special needs and teachers they looked forward to seeing every day, who were specially trained to give them the only 5-6 hours of comfort they would get all day, they knew they’d now miss out on that.  Some only tried in school because they played sports, bad grades = no sports-- now no sports = who cares.   
 
The first few weeks were rocky, it was unknown territory for the picketers and the kids, they were told it would be over soon, two weeks to slow the spread.  Even the kids didn’t mind it at first, it was like a big snowstorm had given the a mini-vacation.  Two weeks turned into months, the kids were slipping, they’d forgotten how to interact with others, they were tired of not going anywhere, some looked to drugs, some contemplated suicide, some unfortunately were successful.  The picketers even began to miss  the kids, some of them did anyway.  Kids had new best friends, one named Google, another Photo Math along with Snapchat and Tik Tok.  Parents were struggling too, they saw the decline, they didn’t know how to teach, they could teach their boy how to drive a nail or make car parts but had no idea what a past participle was.  Preppy boy and sign girl never waivered, still echoing the same empty slogan when in reality no one is in this together except for politicians and pharmaceutical companies. 
 
The United States is one of only a few countries in the entire world to shut schools down.  How many times have we been told children are our future, knowledge is power, thank a teacher and all that feel good slogan crap the King spouts every day at 4:00.  My own kids have had a few breakdowns themselves, they miss their friends, they miss leaving the house every day, I dare say they miss learning.  Once driven, straight A students with good individual problem solving skills, now after their new teachers Mom and Dad lose their patience  have become grade A Googlers. 
 
Everyone has their own opinion, I get paid to give mine, the cure cannot be worse than the disease.  People are dying, I know this, the innumerable casualty that will have as great of a future impact than the loss of life will be the lost generation of children.  Thanks Andy, we ain’t in this together, and I know thousands of parents who know at least a little bit of sign language and they'd love to send you that message--you'll probably understand it without an interpreter.