Parabens, Gluten, Obesity...Am I Doomed?

Mongoose,
We've got gluten and msg in our food, tobacco causes cancer, office jobs are causing obesity, football causes concussions, and now makeup parabens are causing cancer, too. Should I just go ahead and roll myself in bubble wrap?

Dear Bubble Boy,
Did you know that being born is the number one cause of death?

When I get a question like this I think about George Burns: smoked cigars all his waking hours and from what I hear drank like a fish, yep it finally caught up with him at the young age of 100.

In our days of 24 hour news cycle and everyone being able to make money off the cause or the cure, the best thing one can do is enjoy life, use some common sense, don't do anything in excess, and don’t believe everything you read. *

*The original response contained a line about celebrities and cancer which was portrayed as an insult. While the comment was intended as satire, one reader that has been greatly affected by cancer felt it was inappropriate and provided suitable reasons why. While this column is intended to be humorous and often tongue-in-cheek, I unintentionally crossed a line and have apologized. Cancer is no laughing matter. --Mongoose