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Dear Mongoose,
I read you have kids and assume they are not in school. How do you feel they are doing and do you think they will ever recover? Dear Me, If I were a lawyer I would object because you just asked a “leading question”. I’m not a lawyer though and after reading your question my guess is you and I both feel the same way about virtual learning therefore I will not object. ***WARNING***THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS OPINION AND IS NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED*** Picture this, a large private meeting room with a conference table stretched out in the middle. On one side of the table is a man in a suit with a crooked smile and 90s frat-boy hair, looking like he just spent the last of his daddy’s money on a new convertible Mazda Miata and can’t wait to tell you about his new business venture that is not a pyramid scheme but is actually multi-level marketing and the product will make you feel 10 years younger for just $19.95/month. Now, on the other side are about 42,000, mostly women with pitchforks and signs that say, “Matt Bevin Stinks”, “Where’s MY Pension?” and similar messages. Preppy boy and his sidekick, speak to the picketers in English and sign language, “Have I got a deal for you, imagine instead of going to a germ infested school 5 days a week and answering a million questions from snot nose kids, how bout sending them a few videos or links, let them email you the questions and cut out all the silly discussions? On top of that, I’ll keep paying you and show those pesky parents how hard your job really is because they’ll be teaching their own kids now!” “After all, we’re all in this together, say it with me!” All preppy boy needed was a bout 42,000 votes and he’d waive the $19.95/month. The picketers loved this plan, they even convinced their friends and families to vote too, the rest is history except for who was missing from the board room. Outside the room were kids of all ages, all colors, all economic backgrounds banging on the door. Begging to be taught. Some don’t have internet, some don’t have anyone to watch them while their parents are at work, some, who only used to get beat by daddy after he got home from work now get beat all day, every day because they’re stuck home with daddy --all day. A few of the kids had special needs and teachers they looked forward to seeing every day, who were specially trained to give them the only 5-6 hours of comfort they would get all day, they knew they’d now miss out on that. Some only tried in school because they played sports, bad grades = no sports-- now no sports = who cares. The first few weeks were rocky, it was unknown territory for the picketers and the kids, they were told it would be over soon, two weeks to slow the spread. Even the kids didn’t mind it at first, it was like a big snowstorm had given the a mini-vacation. Two weeks turned into months, the kids were slipping, they’d forgotten how to interact with others, they were tired of not going anywhere, some looked to drugs, some contemplated suicide, some unfortunately were successful. The picketers even began to miss the kids, some of them did anyway. Kids had new best friends, one named Google, another Photo Math along with Snapchat and Tik Tok. Parents were struggling too, they saw the decline, they didn’t know how to teach, they could teach their boy how to drive a nail or make car parts but had no idea what a past participle was. Preppy boy and sign girl never waivered, still echoing the same empty slogan when in reality no one is in this together except for politicians and pharmaceutical companies. The United States is one of only a few countries in the entire world to shut schools down. How many times have we been told children are our future, knowledge is power, thank a teacher and all that feel good slogan crap the King spouts every day at 4:00. My own kids have had a few breakdowns themselves, they miss their friends, they miss leaving the house every day, I dare say they miss learning. Once driven, straight A students with good individual problem solving skills, now after their new teachers Mom and Dad lose their patience have become grade A Googlers. Everyone has their own opinion, I get paid to give mine, the cure cannot be worse than the disease. People are dying, I know this, the innumerable casualty that will have as great of a future impact than the loss of life will be the lost generation of children. Thanks Andy, we ain’t in this together, and I know thousands of parents who know at least a little bit of sign language and they'd love to send you that message--you'll probably understand it without an interpreter.
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Dear Mongoose,
I heard on the radio this morning that one of the vaccines is shipping today and people should be able to begin getting vaccinated as early as this week. The big question is, are you going to take it? Dear Mom, There are some things that should be kept between you and your doctor I’ve been told, after all its my body my choice right? Whatever, to answer your question, No, I will not be taking the vaccine. I will not be taking the vaccine even after I am unable to buy, sell, or trade without the mark the vaccine leaves in my forehead or hand either. I do not consider myself an anti-vaxxer, I have taken the required vaccines in order to attend public school, my children have as well. I do consider myself to be a skeptic and a numbers-driven person when it comes to decision making. Consider this; research on the polio vaccine began in the 1930’s and in 1953 the first recognized, successful vaccine was released. I understand there has been a vast amount of scientific development since the 50’s but I care nothing about being a lab rat for a treatment for a virus that we’ve been told has only been around for 10-12 months. 23 years vs 10 months is a lot of difference to chalk up to scientific development. Besides, if you get vaccinated and it works, why would you care if I get it or don’t get it? You shouldn’t get it because you’ve been vaccinated, got it? -MG Dear mongoose,
A couple months ago, my wife went to a salon to get her hair and eyebrows done and I didn't know getting your eyebrows done was a thing. She came home looking like Groucho Marx and it's about stupid looking. Is there any way I can say something without getting thrown out of the house? Dear Silent Movie, My friend if I could answer this question there would be peace on earth, hunger and poverty would be eliminated, dogs and cats would live together in harmony and the Beatles would still be making music. Do you have kids? If you have kids that are under the age of 13 you won’t have to say a word, I put money on one of your kids saying something to her before the week is up. Kids are brutally honest and at that age don’t run the risk of getting kicked out of the house. The kicker is as soon as one mentions the caterpillar crawling along her forehead you will be asked to do one of two things or both, “Aren’t you going to say something to little miss or mister?” or worse yet, “What’s wrong with my eyebrows, I bet your dad thinks they look good, right dad?” My advice is to try this, act like you’re disappointed in something, along with being a bit stressed, enough that she asks you what’s wrong. When she does, tell her you had no idea she was getting her eyebrows done and now you have no idea what to get her for Christmas because the spa day/eyebrow wax you had scheduled for next week will be a waste of time. Then tell her how the place you booked is supposed to be the best at whatever she didn’t get done and there are no refunds but at least she can get whatever she didn’t get done—done but while she’s there and since its paid for she might as well get the full meal deal. Just don’t forget to book it BEFORE this conversation and warn the eyebrow lady! -MG Hey mongoose,
I can’t believe we didn’t get to read about the meltdown I’m sure you had when Trump lost. You come out of hiding or therapy yet? Dear Lampshade, It amazes me how well some people can predict the reaction, thoughts, opinions of someone they’ve never met, someone who is not even a real person, per se, but an online personality who writes opinions that are sometimes not even shared by the actual human being behind the keyboard. I’ll start by letting you in on some personal insight from the actual person writing this response. I don’t like Donald J Trump, I do not own any Trump memorabilia, I have never ridden on the Trump train, I didn’t even like him in that scene from Home Alone. I did vote for him in 2020 and also voted for him last time too. I will also mention this, I have never sought therapy for any reason and especially over an election. When human beings put all their faith, hope and trust in one other human being, they tend to stop thinking for themselves. Donald J Trump is a man, he was not heaven sent, he is flawed, he does not play 3D chess or walk on water but he was a better choice than Hillary and Joe. I might feel differently six months from now when Kamala is president but as for now I still get up every morning, go to work, help my kids with “virtually learning nothing” when I get home and continue to stock up on ammo, wood, fuel, canned goods, shares of Amazon, and solar panels. I haven’t lost one minute of sleep over it and probably won’t until the bread lines get too long. -MG  Do you know the feeling you get when you finally make it home after a long, hard day at work, sit down on the couch, kick your shoes off, exhale and lean back only go get bombarded by your kids with 4,011 questions, requests and demands? Let me just say this, after King Andy’s latest mandates, the kids (Edmonson Voice readers) have bombarded me with questions, requests and demands that nearly crashed my email server and gave me a new appreciation of my own children and their comparable graciousness and patience.
The number one question on everyone’s mind is, “Mongoose, what do you think about the mask mandate?” So instead of responding to countless individuals individually, I felt its easier to hit Reply All and settle the minds of the masses in this form. Coke or Pepsi, Ford or Chevy, Republican or Democrat, Apple or Android, mask or no mask, as Americans, we tend to be constantly divided between two choices. It is upon rare occasion in which we have a third category to choose from and oftentimes aren’t given the choice and are forced into Pepsi for instance, because they don’t have RC. Americans, for the most part, love freedom, choices, and the freedom to choose an option that isn’t even on the menu. When we are not given options, we sometimes feel like a stray dog that’s been backed into a corner and if you take one more step we gonna bite you. So enter Governor Andy Beshear... Andy gets dolled up and camera-ready every day to deliver the most up-to-date (and now known to be fraudulent) "Rona" numbers to people that just spent two hours watching morning and game shows, four straight hours watching soap operas, and two more hours watching QVC. The sad part is, the soap operas are probably the most honest thing they've seen all day. Andy speaks to his audience like Judge Judy scolds the wayward poodle owner who didn’t clean up after Fi-Fi doodied on the neighbor's porch. Meanwhile, model citizen Karen swallows every word that Andy, in his own brand of condescension, dictates. Never attempting to taste it, gulping it down, believing every word with the same blind faith teachers have, that they’ll have a pension rivaling that of Warren Buffett. This same audience hanging on every word is most likely to be of the same who berates someone without a mask at the grocery store, posting about it on Fakebook, Instagag, Snapshot, Tweeter, and with Andy-like condescension and disdain for anyone who dare question anything that the Emperor decrees. I don’t know Andy Beshear personally, have never been within 2 miles of him to my knowledge, but I do know politicians --and I know others that believe everything this side says and disagrees with everything the other side says. I will admit I am generalizing, stereotypical, assumptive-- whatever you wish to call it-- but I truly believe Andy and his followers' passion for mandated masks is not fueled by the desire to keep everyone healthy. It is because Andy and his followers believe those that question anything they deem necessary are too stupid to make their own decisions. They are the same group of people that mandate warning labels on coffee so we dummies know its hot, the same group that argues that backyard BBQs spread coronavirus--and not yelling, screaming, spitting protesters-- and we all know you can’t catch the virus at the liquor store, but church is worse than a Chinese wet market that specializes in bats. My advice to Andy and his disciples is this; stop treating everyone like they are stupid, we all know stupid people, but very few of us think we are them. If you truly worry about our health and safety, lets discuss it with open minds, we both may learn something and might even be able to help each other stay safe. Andy keeps saying, “keep politics out of this”, I keep saying, “don’t be a hypocrite and follow the law”, lead by example, if you want everyone wearing a mask I better never see you without one, I also want to hear you condemn rioters with the same disgust you condemn revival goers, if you want to criticize the Attorney General for suing you don’t give him something to sue you for and go back in time and un-sue Bevin if you think the Governor has that much authority. Now, to specifically answer the question, ‘What does Mongoose think of the mask mandate?’, wear one if you want, stay away from big crowds if you want, get sick if you want, don’t ask me to pay for you getting sick and don’t TELL me I have to wear a mask, don’t TELL me I have to wear a seatbelt or a helmet, let me make my own decisions. I don’t wear a mask but I also don’t go near large crowds or reuse tissues or lick toilet seats. I’ve made it this far in life, undoubtedly coming in close contact with things far more dangerous and deadly than the Covid. I do wear my seatbelt and a helmet though, if that matters to anyone. --M.G. Mongoose,
My mom works at Walmart and she takes all the precautions they say to do. She wears a mask, gloves, and she uses hand cleaner all the time. She's been stopping by my house on the way home to see her grandkids but this really bothers me. My husband says she don't need to be here but I just can't hardly tell her no. I know she has a risk of carrying coronavirus but she loves her grandkids. What do I do. Dear Mommas at Walmart, Like the great George Jones said (RIP) and I said to someone else recently, you have choices, what you have to decide is if the reward is worth the risk. Let’s say you’re at home alone with a newborn baby, you just mixed up your last batch of formula, the nearest store is 5 miles away and its snowing. You have a choice to make, you can let the baby go hungry or you can brave the snow and go buy some. If those are your only two options you will (I hope) go to the store and feed that baby. That doesn’t mean you slip on some flip flops and jump in the ’69 Camaro with a supercharged big block and racing slicks, no seatbelts or car seat and floor it to the store-- you have to make an informed decision and weigh all your options again asking yourself –is the reward worth the risk. I hate to break it to you and everyone else, but WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE someday, no matter what we do. If you want to live, wear your seatbelt, look both ways before crossing the street and don’t jump out of an airplane without a parachute. If the reward of you seeing your mom and your mom seeing your kids is worth the risk of you or your family possibly getting sick and your mom is wearing her seatbelt/mask, gloves, sanitizing--then stop worrying about it and give her a big hug the next time she comes over. Life is meant to be lived, the next breath any of us take could be our last, 4 months ago I don’t think we sat around worrying if it could or couldn’t be and if Dandy Andy comes on TV tomorrow and says, “go back to normal”, what has changed? There is NO cure, there is NO vaccine, there are only good habits and good choices that can be made that will help us stay healthy and no matter what the end result for all of us is death whether its today or 50 years from now—something is going to kill you, I promise. --MG MOngoose,
I never thought I'd see the day where the government would take away every freedom we have, including going to church in the name of safety. Do you think things will ever get back close to how they was? Dear Member When, Nope. Lots of nopes to answer your question more specifically. They say it takes 3 months to learn a new habit or to make a lasting lifestyle change. Well, its been about 3 months, I can honestly say I haven’t shaken a hand in 3 months and lets say Big Daddy Andy says today at 4:00, “its over, you can go back to the way it was in December”, can you picture yourself shaking hands with a stranger you meet on the street? Can you picture yourself consoling an acquaintance at the funeral home by letting them cry on your shoulder? Can you picture yourself going to a rock concert, taking your shirt off and diving into the mosh pit? How about taking your shirt off at the funeral home? Wait--hang on--I got that one mixed up...anyway, I would have never pictured myself doing that before, but you see where I’m going with this. The other big nope is the freedoms we have willfully handed over in the blink of an eye. The tin foil hat side of me looks at this like a test run. ‘Hey lets see how far we can go with this, can you believe these people quit going to church for 3 months because of a souped-up cold! All we did was threaten to take down their license plate number! Imagine what will they do or not do if we issue bigger threats?!’ Tin foil hat or not, the reality is we’ve all rolled over like scared, beaten-down stray dogs. --MG Dear Mongoose,
I've just about had it with the idiots at Walmart and bigger places that are still open. I've tried staying inside as much as possible but I still have to go out and get necessities. When I do,l theres always some moron who coughs without covering their face, someone not knowing what 6 foot is, or people that are still congregating in the aisles. What's the best way to get these people's attention without being too rude? Dear People at Walmart, I can proudly say I haven’t entered a Walmarts in 6 years, 247 days, 3 hours, 22 minutes and I haven’t kept up with the seconds. Two words; click list, or whatever the walmarts calls it. I will tell you its changed my family’s life. Let me lay out some advantages to you:
--MG |