Wife's Groucho Marx Brows

Dear mongoose,
A couple months ago, my wife went to a salon to get her hair and eyebrows done and I didn't know getting your eyebrows done was a thing. She came home looking like Groucho Marx and it's about stupid looking. Is there any way I can say something without getting thrown out of the house?

Dear Silent Movie,
My friend if I could answer this question there would be peace on earth, hunger and poverty would be eliminated, dogs and cats would live together in harmony and the Beatles would still be making music.  Do you have kids?  If you have kids that are under the age of 13 you won’t have to say a word, I put money on one of your kids saying something to her before the week is up.  Kids are brutally honest and at that age don’t run the risk of getting kicked out of the house.  The kicker is as soon as one mentions the caterpillar crawling along her forehead you will be asked to do one of two things or both, “Aren’t you going to say something to little miss or mister?” or worse yet, “What’s wrong with my eyebrows, I bet your dad thinks they look good, right dad?”  My advice is to try this, act like you’re disappointed in something, along with being a bit stressed, enough that she asks you what’s wrong.  When she does, tell her you had no idea she was getting her eyebrows done and now you have no idea what to get her for Christmas because the spa day/eyebrow wax you had scheduled for next week will be a waste of time.  Then tell her how the place you booked is supposed to be the best at whatever she didn’t get done and there are no refunds but at least she can get whatever she didn’t get done—done but while she’s there and since its paid for she might as well get the full meal deal.  Just don’t forget to book it BEFORE this conversation and warn the eyebrow lady!
-MG